‘It’s been 7 years of our marriage. Things were fine initially but ever since our son was born, he became more dominating especially in bed. And if raising the baby single-handedly whole day wasn’t enough, he would pressurize me at night. I can’t tolerate it anymore’, said Tara wiping her tears.
“Tolerate? You are tolerating me? I have been keeping with your mood since ages now. And you say, I am dominating in bed.
Once a month isn’t dominance, for God’s sake! After constant requesting and cajoling, one night you give in as if doing me a favor. I am tired of running after you. “ Sid fired back.
They were in a counselor’s chamber, trying to save their relationship one last time.
Sexual desire incompatibility is a very common issue between couples. Often varying sex drives of individuals tend to create a rift in the relationship. The high-sexed one feels dis-satisfied while the other partner feels unwanted pressure to perform in bed’, explains Dr Shirley.
The husband and wife gave each other a cold stare.
“But things can work out, if you BOTH really want to”. Dr Shirley is in no mood to give in.
First, understand each other’s needs and never criticize or speak harsh words for your partner.
Sexual desire is dependent on many internal and external factors. The lack of it needs to be investigated. The reason could be as simple as some hormonal disturbance or performance anxiety.
Remember, good communication is the key to solve this. Talk to your partner honestly and explore alternate ways. If Tara, is in no mood for sex, you guys can try non-sexual intimate actions like kissing or cuddling to revive the love or discuss ideas to arouse her. Also, Tara can work out other ways to satisfy Sid without intercourse’.
‘Another important key is better planning. Find a midway for sexual frequency which is comfortable for both. Fix a sex date. This will assure Sid of the impending encounter as well as give Tara ample time to prepare and get into the mood. Create a new environment, new fragrances or flowers or whatever works for you. Tara may also, decide the time of the day when she’s most relaxed to have sex like after shower or when kids are out.’
Shirley went on.
Spend time together without talking about sex. Go on a holiday or a movie. Rekindle the attraction towards each other. Appreciate one another.
Half an hour later and after some heart to heart conversation with the good doc, the couple left hand-in-hand, silently acknowledging each other and pledging to resolve all issues…
Love definitely conquers all…even sexual differences!
Author: Dr. Nidhi Jhamb
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