When I was born, everyone rejoiced. My dad distributed sweets in the whole locality brimming with joy. ‘My son is born, my old age is secured’, he couldn’t stop shouting.
My mother could not take her eyes off me and used to apply ‘kala tika’ on my forehead to ward off evil eyes. I was pampered all the time. And as I grew, the love, affection and pampering kept growing multi fold too. I was the center of their universe.
I always excelled at the studies but not too keen in sports. When I reached my teens, I had loads of female friends and my father used to boast about my being the ‘popular cool dude’ of the class. Girls used to befriend me because of my cute looks while I enjoyed everything about being a girl- be it fashion, style, beauty etc. Gradually, I started feeling and behaving feminine myself.
My father, who once bragged about my friends, was now embarrassed to see me among the girls.
The once-apple-of-their-eyes had turned into an eye sore. I had become a heavy burden to carry. And after many unsuccessful attempts to change my inclinations and personality, he finally disowned me.
What was my mistake?…
Was it my fault to feel feminine?…
Was I embarrassing my family intentionally?…
Did I enjoy this dual personality?
Am I a girl trapped in a male body? Or a boy hiding behind a feminine attitude?
God gifted me this confusion……….for a lifetime. And I am destined to deal with the mockery……in silence.
Why me? Did God mess me up for a purpose?
Too many questions for an already confused personality. But the most important question haunting my mind right now – Will the society ever accept me whole-heartedly?
Hoping to find an answer to that soon.
Author: Dr Nidhi Jhamb
DrSafeHands provides free consultation to LGBT community. Consult Now!
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