Sapna and I dated for 3 months before tying the knot. Though I loved her deeply, I never physically displayed my emotions to her. Given the attractive and gorgeous girl that she was, anybody would have died to just hold her hand. But I could never gather enough courage to tell her than I am not inclined to physical intimacy.
Perhaps my impeccable academic record, my gentle ways or may be that I landed a plum job while still in college convinced her that I was the right guy for her.
On our wedding day, I was biting my nails anxiously. The thought of sharing the bed with Sapna was enough to send shivers down my spine. The long-kept secret would be out soon.
Was I asexual?
Or simply impotent?
I did not know? I had kept it under wraps all along. Kept it hidden from even myself.
Finally, the moment arrived. My bold and beautiful wife was waiting for me in our beautifully done bedroom. I tried to be as casual as I could and sweet talked her to sleep.
Night after night went by. Empty. Barren. 56 nights to be precise.
She tried to help, tried to understand, tried in every possible way she could.
When the sun rose, she was her delightful best, hiding from the world my secret, now our secret.
Then the unthinkable happened. Without so much as a hint, she left.
No good byes. No angry words. No “I hate you”. Just vanished in thin air.
It has been three dreadful years since then. I loved her then. I love her now. I shall love her forever.
Everything was perfect between us. Well almost everything but one thing. And that ruined me.
Did she not try to help? Did she not try to adjust? She did all she could.
I just needed to face my fear, rise up to the challenge and face it head on. She was by my side.
She was indeed a dream. My Sapna…
Author: Dr. Nidhi
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